Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
