um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
