Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
