So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
