im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
