Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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