Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
