Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
