feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
