Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
