She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
