my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize