Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
