Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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