it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dear god my vagina.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
