it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
