Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
