I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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