I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
