carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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