last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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