glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
