In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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