he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
