I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I smell stomach acid.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize