watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
