in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
