I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
