this beer tastes like vomit already
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
