i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
