Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
