In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
