NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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