Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
