I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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