I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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