I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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