what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
whose parrot is this?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
