she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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