i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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