Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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