he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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