He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize