The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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