why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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