I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
one two three fourrrrnication!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
