come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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