I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
