He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Even my vagina gasped.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This is the high leading the old right now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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