Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
