So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
