Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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