I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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