I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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