you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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