A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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