dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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