Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
