Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
