Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
