This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
