I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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