You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
