Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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