I wish my penis had an off switch
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
