You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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