I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
hell yes lets make some ravioli
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
